Turkeys Terrorize Jersey Neighborhood
A revolt of the feathered kind is going on in Cherry Hill.
“I wanna just be able to go back to a normal life and go out of our house without worrying where a turkey might be,” lamented Nancy Giordano.
Turkeys attacking humans? Turkeys?!
I wish I could have watched President Obama’s speech to children so I could also be indoctrinated into the ways of socialism. Studying hard and staying in school are essential elements of the Communist Manifesto.
If I ever have a daughter, I’d want to name her Condoleezza.
Obama has 30 czars. That’s more czars than Russia had.
So after completing my first year of medical school, what have I really learned? I feel that this past year has been less about learning about the human body and how it works and more about the process of dehumanizing the medical student population, creating a special bond that can exist only between people who know what it’s like to go through this torture, day in and day out. It really creates this elitist mentality of “I somehow did this. I must be something special.” What makes me feel even worse is that I don’t remember much about what I learned, not even from the three finals I had in three days last week.
Anyway, enough with the complaining and more with the writing! I think this last year really showed me that the brain really does wire itself for different tasks. I’ve tried to sit down and write something a couple of times, but I just could never get into my usual flow. Barraging the mind with scientific academia really can inhibit other processes, such as creative ones and basic bodily functions (no, I did not wet my bed). Time to detox.
I never breast-fed you so my breasts would stay large. That’s why I’m the hottest mother out there.
Really? It’s gay? Does the act of wearing a pink polo somehow make it seem that I’m suddenly attracted to men? Since when has the color pink become synonymous with wanting a man’s lips all over my dick, or watching the latest installment of gay porn from Raging Stallion Studios?
This made me angry. Angrier than the time I wore a shirt with a huge rainbow on it, because apparently, the rainbow is the universal sign of leprechauns hiding pots of gold (what I thought) and homosexuality. People should really grow up.
I guess this is my first venture into the phenomenon of GPOYW. I posted this because I’m a sucker for before and after pictures. Last Thursday, I went to Eddie’s, which is basically a hole in a wall with a barber who looks like a former KGB agent. I said, “Make me look like a marine.” He grunted his acknowledgement and fifteen minutes later, I stepped out with the shortest haircut of my life. I’ve never actually seen the skin on my head before.
